Promises, promises

It's been a tough road here lately.

I had the depressing realization last night that I'm not going to accomplish a lot of the things I had hoped to accomplish before I'm 30.

I thought, by the time I was 30, that I'd have children--or at least be pregnant and on my way to having them.

I thought, by the time I was 30, that I'd own a home.

I thought, by the time I was 30, that my husband and I would have taken at least one great vacation, just the two of us.

I thought, by the time I was 30, I'd be in a job I love.

I thought, by the time I was 30, that I wouldn't still feel like I'm battling depression all the time.

I know I'm not turning 30 tomorrow or anything. It's less than a year away, though. And some of these things--these dreams I had for my life--are not looking like they are going to happen anytime soon. And it's so much harder than I thought it would be. It's so hard to be patient and wait for good things to come. It's so hard to be patient and wait for a light at the end of the tunnel. It's so hard to see people I love waiting and hoping and dreaming and not getting what they want so much.

It's so hard.

I don't profess to be the most devoted Christian anymore. Too much has happened since my naive days of teenage fearless faith for me to want to jump up and scream "YEAH JESUS!" on the regular. I've been hurt too much by the church to really want to try going again. I've been hurt too much by Christians to want to bare my soul again.

God though... he hasn't hurt me. I've struggled a lot in the last 10 years, but I don't blame God. I don't think he's "testing" me. I don't think he's punishing me. Life is hard. It just is. I don't look to God to change the rules for me and make things easy just because I believe in him.

For some reason this afternoon the phrase "God's promises" just came into my head. I don't know why.  So I turned to Pintrest, the place of all things inspirational, for some reminders of what those promises are.

I don't believe that good things are right around the corner. Maybe that came out wrong...

I don't believe that God.... drags us through the mud just so he can shower us with gold on the other side. I don't believe that because I struggle now, amazing things are coming my way. I don't think that life is a gigantic teeter-totter, where once you're down as far as you can go, you're automatically raised up. I don't think God is that... shallow. I don't think he's the fairy godmother who comes to Cinderella as she cries the bitterest of tears and transforms her into a beautiful princess.

God promises to work all things for our good, but what's good for us doesn't always feel very good. (See: vegetables). I don't believe that God is ever going to wave a magic wand and take away my depression. I don't know why I was created with a chemical imbalance in my head, but I was. I don't think all the prayer in the world will set it right.

My thoughts are all over the place, so forgive me.

I guess... my point is. I believe my weakness serves a purpose. I believe that my struggles are for a reason. I don't think that reason or purpose is so that I'll see rainbows and unicorns on the other side. I don't think life works that way. I don't think that because things have been hard that God has an easy life waiting for me down the road. It may always be hard. I believe no matter what that he has a reason for it. That's all I can believe.

If I believe too hard that something amazing must be coming because things have been so hard, I will only wind up disappointed.

If I believe too hard that God will make all my dreams come true, I will never be satisfied.

All I can do is believe there's a reason for me, for my life. There's a reason.

Toasted Sesame Salmon

Here's another recipe I found in a Pampered Chef cookbook.

My parents took us on a trip to Costco last weekend, which is a pretty big adventure. It's really easy to start grabbing everything that looks good and throw it into your basket, and before you know it you've collected a bazillion dollars worth of merchandise. We kept track of pricing as we went along and managed to get out without totally breaking the bank!

One of the things that was on our list of must-buy items was salmon. Costco sells bags of frozen, individually wrapped salmon filets. It makes it easy to thaw just as much as you need.

Being in the Midwest, buying fresh salmon can be pretty hit-or-miss. After one too many attempts at buying from the seafood counter, only to realize when I got home that the fish was... less than fresh, I've decided that frozen is the way to go.

The other ingredient in this recipe I should mention is the tahini paste. Tahini is made from ground sesame seeds. I originally bought it to use in making my own hummus (which surprisingly easy to do.)  I had trouble finding this in the store, which resulted in me ordering two GIGANTIC bottles from Amazon (seriously, I could make 2 batches of hummus a day for a year and not get through those things.) However, I've since seen it in the organic/natural food sections of the grocery store in much more manageable sized bottles.

Toasted Sesame Salmon

Ingredients:
4 tsp sesame seeds (I bought pre-toasted)
3 Tbsp prepared teriyaki baste and glaze
1 Tbsp tahini paste
1 tsp toasted sesame oil
1 garlic clove, pressed
4 salmon fillets

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. (If your seeds aren't pre-toasted:) Place sesame seeds in saute pan. Cook and stir over medium-high heat for 2-3 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from pan to cool.

3. Combine baste and glaze, tahini, sesame oil, and pressed garlic in a bowl and whisk well.

4. Place fillets on medium sheet pan. (I put parchment paper on the baking pan just in case the glaze got too sticky.) Brush each fillet with glaze mixture using a silicone basting brush. Sprinkle 1 tsp of the sesame seeds over each fillet.

5. Bake 12-14 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

Baked Ziti

Tonight's dinner was baked ziti. It's another quick and easy pasta dish and spaghetti alternative.

This makes a big 9x13 pans. You can easily divide into two 8x8 pans to freeze one or give one away.

Baked Ziti

Ingredients:
1/2 box ziti pasta
1 jar spaghetti sauce
1/2 tub (15 oz) ricotta cheese
1 8oz bar mozzarella cheese, grated
1/4 cup (or more) parmesan cheese
1 lb ground beef (not pictured)
1/2 cup pasta water

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Cook pasta and drain, reserving 1/2 cup of water.
3. Brown the ground beef and drain.
4. Mix spaghetti sauce, ricotta cheese, & pasta water in large bowl. Stir it really well to make sure the ricotta is "dissolved" (no big chunks.)

 5. Add pasta, meat, and 1/2 cup mozzarella to the sauce mixture. You could buy a package of pre-shredded mozzarella, but I always get a bar and shred it in myself in my food processor. It takes about 10 seconds and it melts so much better (and tastes so yummy!)
6. Spoon the mixture into a 9x13 baking dish sprayed with cooking spray.

7. Sprinkle the top with the remaining mozzarella, then shake Parmesan over the top to fill in the gaps.

 

8. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 30 minutes. Then uncover and bake another 10 minutes so it gets all nice and golden brown on top. 

9. Enjoy!

 

 

Curried Chicken with Couscous and Naan

I used to think that cooking Indian food was super intimidating. It's a whole different world of spices, flavors, ingredients... eek! But once I bit the bullet and tried it once, suddenly the world of curry was no longer terrifying. It's been over a year since I made curry, though, so when I ran across a recipe for curried chicken and couscous in my Pampered Chef cookbook, I decided it was time to try it again. This recipe was actually pretty dang simple, but incredibly tasty.

I did make naan bread to go with it, even though I probably didn't need to with the couscous already in there... but curry and naan go together so well it was worth the extra effort!

Curried Chicken with Couscous

Ingredients:

Chicken and Curry
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts
3/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
4 medium carrots
1 medium onion
1 tsp vegetable oil
2 tsp curry powder
1 can coconut milk

Couscous
2 cups chicken broth
1 1/3 cups uncooked plain couscous
1 Tbsp butter

Things I left out: 1/2 cup golden raisins in the curry, 2 Tbsp fresh cilantro in the couscous.

Directions:

1. Cut chicken into 1 inch pieces. Lightly spray a skillet with vegetable oil or cooking spray. Heat skillet over medium-high heat for 1-3 minutes until hot.

As skillet heats, combine salt and pepper. Season chicken with half of the black pepper mixture. Cook chicken about 2-3 minutes or until golden brown. Turn chicken over, cook 2-3 minutes or until center of chicken is no longer pink. Remove from skillet and set aside.

2. As chicken cooks, peel carrots; cut in half lengthwise, then thinly slice on a bias. Cut onion in half lengthwise, then crosswise into 1/2 inch wedges.

Add oil to skillet, saute carrots and onion 5 minutes or until crisp-tender, stirring occasionally.

Stir curry powder, (raisins, if you are including them) coconut milk and remaining black pepper mixture into skillet. Add chicken, simmer 3-5 minutes or until sauce begins to thicken.

3. For couscous, pour broth into a saucepan and heat until boiling. Stir couscous and butter into broth. Turn off heat and cover, let stand 5 minutes.  After 5 minutes, fluff with fork (and stir in cilantro if using it.)

4. To serve, divide couscous among serving plates, spoon chicken mixture over couscous.

Naan


Ingredients:

2 tsp dry active yeast
1 tsp sugar
1/3 cup water (warm)
2.5-3 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup plain greek yogurt
1 large egg

Directions:

1. In a small bowl, combine yeast, sugar, & water. Stir to dissolve and let sit a few minutes until it is frothy on top. Then stir in oil, yogurt, & egg until evenly combined.

2. In a medium sized bowl, combine 1 cup flour with salt. Add wet ingredients and stir until well combined. Continue adding flour 1/2 cup at a time until you can no longer stir with a spoon (about 1 to 1.5 cups flour.)

3. Turn the dough out onto a well floured counter top. Knead about 3 minutes, adding flour as necessary to keep from sticking. Dough should be smooth and soft, not sticky.

4. Loosely cover dough and let rise until doubled in size (about 45 minutes.) After it rises, gently flatten it and cut it into 8 equal pieces. Shape each piece into a small ball by stretching it back onto itself until smooth.

5. Heat a large, heavy-bottomed skillet over medium heat and spray lightly with non-stick spray. Working with one ball at a time, roll it out until it is 1/4 inch thick or 6 inches in diameter. Place rolled dough on skillet and cook until under side is golden brown and large bubbles have formed on the surface. Flip and cook other side until golden brown as well.

For most bubbles, don't roll out dough until ready to go in the skillet.

The naan was delicious with the chicken. I liked that the couscous in the curry dish was more of a texture than a flavor--it absorbed all that delicious curry sauce.You can pick up bites with the naan, or do like my husband and make a "taco" with the curry inside the naan.

Shrimp Orzo Skillet

I finally decided to pull out the Pampered Chef cookbooks I got at my bridal shower 2+ years ago. Steven and I are looking to eat a little healthier, so more veggies, less red meat.

This recipe was pretty tasty! I did a suggested substitution and used asparagus instead of peas (neither of us are big fans of peas) and was happy with how it came out. I also left out the mint they recommended

One complaint I have about the PC cookbooks is that they boldface the PC equipment they want you to use so it's easy to get caught on the bolded word and miss the actual ingredient (you know, the important stuff) you're supposed to use that equipment on. I had to re-read some steps a few times to pick out exactly what what supposed to be going on.


Shrimp Orzo Skillet

Ingredients
For the shrimp:
8 oz large uncooked shrimp (21-25 per pound)
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp coarsely ground black pepper
1/8 tsp sugar (helps to caramelize the shrimp)

For the orzo:
8 oz orzo pasta
1 garlic clove, pressed
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup clam juice
1 lemon
1 tbsp thinly sliced fresh mint (I omitted this)
1 cup blanched asparagus, cut into 1-2" pieces (or 1 cup frozen peas)
1 Tbsp butter

Directions

1. For shrimp, peel and devein shrimp. Add oil to a 10" skillet and heat over medium-high heat 1-3 minutes or until shimmering. As skillet heats combine salt, black pepper, and sugar in small bowl. Add shrimp and toss to coat.

2. Arrange shrimp in a single layer over bottom of Skillet and cook about 1 minute or until one side is browned and edges are pink. Remove skillet from heat and turn shrimp over with a small slotted spatula. Let stand an additional 30 seconds or until centers are opaque and shrimp is cooked through. Remove shrimp from skillet and set aside.

3. For orzo, in same skillet, combine orzo, pressed garlic, broth and clam juice. Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat to medium-low. Cook 10-12 minutes or until orzo is cooked through.

4. As orzo cooks, zest lemon to measure 1 Tbsp zest, then juice the lemon to measure 1 Tbsp juice. Thinly slice the mint.

5. Remove skillet from heat and stir in asparagus, butter, and lemon juice. Arrange shrimp over orzo, cover and let stand 3-5 minutes or until heated through. Sprinkle with lemon zest and mint before serving.

In the end we got a tasty dish. The orzo had lots of flavor, the shrimp was delicious, the asparagus tender, and the lemon zest added a bit of freshness.

Mini Pies!

Thanksgiving has come again and that means it's time for PIE!! I saw these mini pies on Pinterest and couldn't resist the opportunity to try them myself. My husband talked me into making a full 2 dozen each of apple and pumpkin. The pies were a big hit with the family, and making so many meant that we were able to eat a few beforehand without causing a noticeable dent in the pie supplies.

Mini Pumpkin Pies
Ingredients:
Filling for two 9" pies
2 boxes refrigerated pie crusts (4 crusts)
Directions:
1. Cut 24 circles from the pie crusts using a 4" round biscuit cutter or small bowl.
2. Place dough circles into muffin pans.
3. Pour filling into cups to the top.
4. Bake at 425* F for 15 minutes, tuen turn heat down to 350*F and bake 25-30 minutes.
5. Let cool on wire rack 1-2 hours until set.

I decided to make pumpkin pies first because they're easier and I could work on preparing the apples for the apple pies while the pumpkin pies were baking. 

I am a big fan of Pillsbury refrigerated pie crusts. I bake pies with them all the time and get compliments on my crusts--I confess that I don't tell people I didn't make them from scratch. ;) Hey, if they can't tell the difference, I'm not going to tell! 

 My setup--muffin tins, 4" biscuit cutter, pie roller, waxed paper to roll it out on.

 Cut out 5 circles from the dough--they fit without overlapping.

 See? 5 circles. Then roll your remaining dough into a ball and roll it out again to cut out a 6th circle. I put the remainders into a Ziploc baggie to use for the lattice tops on the mini apple pies.

 Start putting your dough circles into the muffin tins. They weren't fitting too well to begin with.

 See how they're kind of all wrinkly on the edges? Not so pretty.

 Then I had the idea to cut out a little wedge, Pacman-style, to make the circles fit better.

 Much better! I just overlapped the cut edges and pressed them together.

 You can see the difference between the Pacman dough and the full circles.

 The difference is even more obvious when you look at it from above. So, cut out the wedges for better fitting dough!

 Now for the filling. I again took the easy way out and got the pre-made canned pie filling. It already has the spices mixed in, so you just add a 5 oz. can of evaporated milk and 2 eggs to each can of pie filling.

  I used my largest Pampered Chef scoop to fill the pies. I probably could have added a little more filling, but I didn't want to risk them bubbling over and getting stuck in the muffin tins. I think it's a matter of trial-and-error--next time I'll probably get it just right!

 Getting filled...

 And just out of the oven.  I may have left them in just a couple of minutes too long--the crusts were a little darker than I like, but not at all burnt. Still tasty, though!

 You can see on the edge of this one where the filling bubbled over a little and made the crust stick.

 Use a really sharp, thin knife (I used one of my PC paring knives) to loosen the edges where the pies are sticking. You don't want to bust up the crust, so a thin blade is best.

Use a spoon to help you lift the pies out of the muffin tins and place on the cooling racks. Look at those yummy pies! 

Mini Apple Pies
Ingredients:
8 cups apples, diced into 1/2 inch cubes
12 Tbsp flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 heaping tsp cinnamon
1/4-1/2 tsp nutmeg
4 Tbsp butter, cut into 24 equal portions
2 boxes refrigerated pie crust (4 crusts)
Directions:
1. Mix together flour, sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Toss over diced apples and mix to coat evenly.
2. Cut out 24 circles of dough and line your muffin cups, saving all scraps.
3. Fill each muffin cup with apple mixture and place one piece of butter on top of apples.
4. Roll out remaining pie crust scraps and cut 1/2 inch wide strips to form lattice tops. 3 strips in each direction should cover it. Tuck in the ends so they don't overhang.
5. Bake pies at 400*F for 18-22 minutes.

 I mixed up all my dry ingredients as soon as the pumpkin pies went into the oven.

 I used an apple slicer on all my apples first. I used 3 Granny Smith apples and 3 Honeycrisp apples.

 My sweet husband helped me to peel the apples with a paring knife, then we chopped them into tiny pieces.

 All chopped up! There's some variety in the size of pieces, but I think that works well to fill the pies.

 Add in the dry ingredients and mix it up well. I dug in with my hands to make sure there were no dry bits hiding at the bottom.

 Getting started on the lattice tops--you can see the butter pieces, too. I forgot these the first time I made the pies and I do think it helps to keep the insides nice and juicy. We used a decorative cutter to slice our lattice pieces.

 So pretty!

 My sweet husband helped with the lattices.

 Look at him go!

 One whole pan covered in the lattices.

 We ran out of dough and the last two got skimped on... those were our samples after the pies came out of the oven!

 Look at them all golden brown and delicious!

 A few of them were a little TOO juicy and bubbled over a bit, oops! Just use the paring knife again to loosen the pies where they got stuck.

 And here they are cooling down. Notice there are a couple missing? They sure were tasty! 

And there you have it! 2 different kinds of miniature pies for your eating pleasure. :)

Third Time's the Charm

I've been trying to find a good meatloaf recipe for a while now. My husband likes it, although I've never been a big fan, and I try to make things he'll enjoy. I've tried twice before and each time the meatloaf turned out way too moist and soggy.

Someone I know finally mentioned that they also prefer a more dry meatloaf and that they use the recipe on the back of the Lipton Onion Soup Mix package. So I decided to give it a try, with a couple of alterations.

The recipe called for 2 eggs, which I reduced to one. I used Panko bread crumbs instead of standard bread crumbs, and threw in a couple of handfuls of oatmeal for good measure. The recipe instructions on the soup mix say to form it into a loaf but to put it in a 9 x 13" pan, not a loaf pan. This allowed the grease to cook out of the meat and didn't leave the loaf boiling in its own juices. I took the meatloaf out of the oven when it was about halfway done and poured off the grease. When it was done cooking I poured off the juices again before letting it rest for a few moments. Next time I might try getting ground beef with a lower fat content. We've been buying the big 5 lb rolls of ground beef lately because it's cheapest, but it can be fatty.

My husband declared it a success and ate three pieces, and I even ate a piece and a half myself (in my previous attempts I didn't even manage to finish one.) So it looks like the third time was the charm when it comes to meatloaf!

Meatloaf with Onion Soup Mix
Ingredients:
2 lbs ground beef
1 envelope Lipton Onion Soup mix (there are 2 in a box)
3/4 cup Panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup oats 
3/4 cup water
1/3 cup ketchup
1 egg

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 
2. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients.
3. Shape into a loaf and place in the middle of a 9 x 13 glass baking dish. 
4. Bake 1 hour. Remove from oven after 30 minutes and drain off liquid. When done, drain liquid again and let rest 10 minutes before serving.